Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
