If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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