My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I understand Curling. That high.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
