i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
