he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
