my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
