My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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