He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the day after is always just damage control
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize