Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
