I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I intend to get homeless drunk
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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