Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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