HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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