Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
