I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
