I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
