Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize