Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize