I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
