We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
