If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
