Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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