she looked like the bat from fern gully.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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