I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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