nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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