I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
