I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
