dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
