How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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