I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
