Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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