one word: firstdatebathroomanal
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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