I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
