im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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