I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
