I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
