alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
