I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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