Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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