Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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