Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
