i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
