One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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