That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
