ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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