he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
