ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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