You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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