idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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