ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
