Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
