last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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