Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cockslap morals
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize