Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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