I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
