I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
