Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
