Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
