my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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