The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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