Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
