I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
this just has baby written all over it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
