if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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