What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize