I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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