Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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