Acid is not a monday night drug
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
