I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
