She said her name was "party"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize