sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She announced her abortion via fbk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
