Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
