Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
