btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
